To be Thankful.

A lot of people I know have been doing their daily posts about what they are thankful for. I did  something similar last year based off of a bulletin board one of my RA's completed in our building. This year I decided that I didn't want to do a daily tally. Instead I wanted to just pick one thing to be thankful for, to be focused on, and to be looking forward to.

After moving to Buffalo in late July of this past year and signing up for all of my health care benefits; I was on the hunt for a doctor. I wanted someone close to home/work, had reasonable hours, and accepted my insurance plan. I called a doctor's office I thought fit those criteria to set up an intake appointment. This was back in August and the earliest I could be seen was today, November 26th at 8:15 a.m. I luckily had not been sick and was not anticipating getting seriously ill so I decided to hold out and wait for this doctor. Today I went in for my appointment and was a bit taken back. The bedside manner was not one I would pick for myself, but I'm not running scared yet. The doctor did bring up some things that I had not been asked about before or that had been done - namely a test, which I forget the medical term for - but it's for people with asthma. I haven't undergone anything since I was diagnosed with asthma in the 4th grade. However, I can't seem to meet any doctor's who don't automatically harp on my weight and that I'm in the BMI category as morbidly obese. She asked about my cholesterol levels and blood pressure to see if I have ever had any issues with it, because of course if you are morbidly obese you must have health issues! She was shocked when my blood pressure was normal/better than "healthy" people, which my blood pressure has never been an issue. Although, she insisted on having blood work done so that my cholesterol could be checked. I knew I had been tested recently because of my liver disease (yes I'm aware, I'm not in 100% health BUT my levels had normalized before I moved out of Maine), but I couldn't recall the results. I did find with all of this. I had a logical answer for every question the doctor asked. I knew about my health. I was conscious of my current state. I had answers for what I was doing to increase my health. My doctor only truly shocked me when they stated that I needed to be on a 1,200 calorie diet; which is the absolute lowest caloric intake someone should have in a day. My doctor then restated that I should be on a diet that is between 1,200 - 1,500 calories. I still was in shock. I have used apps, and websites, and programs to lose weight before. With each one I have tried or used I have never been given such a low caloric intake amount. I have decided that my doctor is nuts, but I did not run scared and I am not going to. I don't need a doctor who cares. I don't think I want one. I just need a doctor who knows enough to help me when I need medical attention. I can care for/about myself on my own, and I am okay with that.

Last December I purchased a year of Noom Pro and lost 25lbs. I have kept that 25lbs, within a pound or two off since then. I have not used Noom Pro consistently either. I was much better before, but I have not kept up with it lately. I wanted something that offered more freedom, because Noom is a smartphone app it's hard to get accurate information. I decided to change it up and I splurged on a FitBit. I had heard about them and seen them around but never wanted to spend so much money on an item I wasn't sure would work. I've been using it for a few days and am really pleased! These are my stats from today (as of 7:30pm).

After visiting my doctor I changed my plan from Medium (lose 1lb a week) to Extreme (lose 2lbs a week) and that still has me above 1,500 calories. I'm going to do this my own way. 

I am thankful for my health. I am thankful that I still have it, even if it's not up to par with where it should be. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to see a doctor. I am thankful that I have insurance that doesn't cost astronomical amounts in order for me to be treated. I am thankful that I have learned a lot in the past year. I am thankful that I have a network of other Student Affairs professionals who are working on their health too. I am thankful that I know people who are not judgmental. I am thankful that I have found the ability to be happy with who I am, even if others don't expect or think I should be. I am thankful that I have not lost myself. I am thankful that I, although sometimes hard to find, have the ability and time to focus on myself. I am thankful that I have found some sort of focus. I am thankful.

This means something to me.

An expectation of my current position is that my colleagues and I create multiple programs each semester based on diversity, sustainability, and community service. Last week I was the lead on an immersion program that focused on diversity; an adaptation of Archie Bunker's Neighborhood. It was actually a great success. We are also working on an event to bring awareness to Hunger and Homelessness by trying to plan a "One Night Without a Home" event at the end of National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week. I brought this idea forward. I was excited to get the chance to work on something like this again, as I had supported Resident Assistants at University of Pittsburgh-Greensburg when I was working there as a Graduate Resident Director. When I was at Pitt-Greensburg we didn't orchestrate a large event like "One Night Without a Home", but it's something that I've always been interested in trying to make happen.

This is something that I was working on. This is something that I wanted to happen. During some of the planning meetings with my colleagues were trying to decide how this program was going to work, what we were going to provide, what students could bring. I wanted to try to be as realistic as possible. I didn't want students to bring cell phones. I didn't want students to bring ipods/radios/etc. I didn't want to really allow for too many amenities that take away from the experience. I got resistance. We're in Buffalo, NY in November.  I get it. We need to think about the safety of the students. I get it. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but I would like them to have an experience to think about. I don't like fluff. I don't like glossing over hard topics. This means something to me.

Sitting in the planning meetings it was hard to not speak up. It was difficult to just nod my head and wave the white flag. I wasn't ready to share. I didn't want to share. I didn't want to go into the details right then, right there. I get it now. I thought about how the last planning meeting went and what I was holding back from saying. I get it now. I understand why this means something to me.

I was homeless.

I was homeless.

I was homeless.

January 19, 1996 a flood devastated my town. Just two years prior my town was also struck by disaster; another flood, one in which I almost lost my life, but that's a whole other story. January 19, 1996, this date is stuck in my brain. Throughout the flood my family and I were in our house; second floor duplex. I watched our car that was parked out front get swept by our house. I watched our brick garage collapse. I watched other people's belongings go down stream. I watched my town become a raging river. These are things I remember vividly. We stayed in our home until the water subsided later into the evening. We were rescued by neighbors who drove a backhoe to our front porch and scooped us to safety. We had nowhere to go. We were homeless. We were renting our home from the church we belonged to. We had been renting the same house since 1987. I don't recall the details but one of the jobs my Mom had was as a cook for the only restaurant in town. The owner and my Mom's boss allowed us to move into a room on her second floor. A family from our church who owed a very large house allowed us to keep belongings that we didn't lose in their basement. For 9 months my mother, my sister, and myself lived in a single room. We shared one full size bed, one in which I would usually get kicked out of and slept on the floor because I moved and kicked in my sleep too much. For 9 months we lived in a single room. I was lucky that I was in school because I could count on getting a meal. I was lucky that sometimes my school bus would arrive at school early enough so that I could eat breakfast, these days I loved. For 9 months most of my dinners were made of peanut butter and jelly on saltines. Our luck changed slightly. We were still homeless, but we seemed to be moving up in the world. The family that owned the backhoe had an unfinished basement that wasn't really being used, we were welcomed in their space so we had a little more room. We moved our belongings we had with us from the single room above the restaurant that my mother worked in to an unfinished basement in the home of family friends. We were still homeless. The family had a pull out couch in the basement. My mother and sister slept on the couch, I slept on the couch cushions on the concrete floor. We were homeless, but we at least felt like we had a place to call home for now. For another 9 months we were homeless. My mother worked 3-4 jobs during this time to try and support us to find a new place to live. We were homeless for a total of 18 months. Things didn't automatically get better. With all that my mother was able to save we purchased an old 1960's trailer. During the time that we owned the trailer the back half of the electrical system went and to get power into the master bedroom, which my sister and I shared, we had to run industrial extension cord. This is how we got power to the bathroom too. During the time we owned that home anytime it rained we would have a waterfall in the middle of our living room. This home wasn't perfect. It's not what most people would call a home, but it was ours and we made it the best we could.

This program isn't to be a mockery. This program is to bring awareness. We hoped to educate students. I hoped to get them thinking about what some people go through. I want to challenge them. I want to see how this makes them feel. I want to see their thought process. I want it to me something to them because this means something to me.

I'm asking too much.

National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week is November 16-24

I thought I was alone.

I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one with a never ending ticket on the struggle bus. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was inadequate. I thought I was crazy. I thought I was wrong. I thought I was failing. Most importantly, I thought I was alone...

As most know, there was a recent article published in Huffington Post by Ken Schneck, PhD entitled Student Affairs Administrators Get Suicidal Too (and yes, if you haven't read it, please do), there has been a large outcry through social media outlets on how people can help, what people should be doing, what changes can be made. I'm glad. I'm glad that this is a topic. However, I'm also weary that anything will change. I'm weary that this is just the hot ticket item of the moment. I read a lot of various blog posts, tweets,  and Facebook statuses in regards to mental illnesses amongst professionals in Student Affairs. There were a lot of good thoughts shared. I think I resonated with a post by Kristen Abell on her blog Kristendom entitled Mental Illness and Student Affairs the most. It's because just recently I had spoken up about my own battle with depression and mental illness, but she had been doing it for quite some time. On September 17, 2013 I wrote a blog in response to a video that was shared within my network. That post only received 26 views. I have hope that with recent events and the thought provoking discussions happening that I will see change. That I will see people speaking out, helping, assisting, asking questions and seeking answers.

I shared the article from HP on my Facebook wall and I asked for my friends to share their thoughts. A few people did. I had some thoughts at that time and shared them. They are as follows:

I still think there's a larger underlying issue: coming forward with a mental health disease is still seen as a weakness. How can you be seen as competent when dealing with emergency situations and crises if your supervisor knew you were depressed? What about the institution you worked for? Are you a liability now? Until we stop treating mental illnesses as a problem and accept them as a real disease people will suffer in silence. I've had kind supervisors in the past who encouraged and accepted the occasional "mental health day" as a reason to be absent from work, but how many institutions actually value that? If you work 40 hrs a week in an office, participate and attend evening programs, and work on the weekends - what time is left to take care of yourself? Maybe it's the field that's setting people up for failures. What policies are set in place to actually support employees? Not just in a gloss over sense, but policies that truly help them be great employees and people. I say things that people don't want to hear. I bring up questions that people can't answer, or don't necessarily want the answer to, but these are things that we don't look at. These are things that need to be looked at. These are things that need to be changed.

I still stand by that. I do think that there are places who can value work that an employee does and undervalue the employee. I have seen it. I have been there. It's not easy. It's hard to want to be a part of something so great when there are pieces of it that break you down. I have thought of leaving the field. I've actually have had those thoughts more frequently in recent years, which is difficult for me to admit. I love what I do. I really do. I love working with students. I love challenging them and seeing their growth throughout the year. I enjoy helping when I can. I get frustrated when I can't. I don't think that's a bad thing.
What I do want to see is more consistency. I want to see more willingness to work together. I want to see people working towards a change, not just at your institution or in your position. We have professional organizations; how can they help, what can they do?

I don't want this to be forgotten. I don't want to feel like I'm alone. I don't want to feel forgotten. I don't want to be the black sheep. (I know some people will say, "But you put yourself there. You pride yourself on being the black sheep". No. No I don't. I pride myself on being the person who stands up for things that she is passionate about, things that she wants to see change, things that she is desperately asking for someone to listen and help with. I'm just never any good at asking for help.)




My post may get lost amongst the shuffle too, but I hope it reaches some. I know that there are definitely more posts out there on this topic, but I'm going to share some of the ones I have read. Please feel free to read, share, pass them along to people you think might benefit from reading them. [Thank you to the authors for writing and sharing your thoughts.]

Renee Piquette Dowdy: What Breaks You

Ann Marie Klotz: Why Are We Not Talking About Wellness?

Becca Obergefell: Healing and Helping - Taking Care of Ourselves Too

Joe Sabado: Work/Life Balance Discussion - A Privilege?
Mike Bowers: Helping Yourself to Help Others: Mental Well Being Tips for Student Affairs Practitioners

How big is your influence? [Non-SA post]

Well I qualified again! Sometimes it's the little things that make the biggest of differences. I had a friend join Influenster a while back and I kept seeing all the fun she was having with her Vox Boxes. She was kind enough to invite me to join and I've been very pleased. [If you would like more information on Influenster, please visit their website (linked above).]

Long story short, this is the second Vox Box I have qualified for. I received the Mary Kay box earlier this year, but I didn't blog about it. I just posted on all of my other Social Media outlets. I decided to blog about this one because I think the items included in this box work well in my professional life.

A break down of the items:
(If you want to follow other's views on these items feel free to search the companies on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, etc.)

Product	Brand Facebook	Handle / Hashtag
belVita crunch Breakfast Biscuits	belVita	@belVita / #BreakfastBiscuits
Dr. Scholl's For Her Cozy Cushions	Dr. Scholl's For Her	#DrScholls
Kiss Gradation Polishes	Kiss Nails	@KissProducts / #KissNailArt
Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara	Rimmel London US	@RimmelLondonUS / #retromania
Vitabath Hydrating Lotion	Vitabath	@Vitabath / #FallingforVitabath
Lindt LINDOR Milk Chocolate Truffles	Lindt Chocolate	@Lindt_Chocolate / TBA

Here are my reviews:

• belVita crunch Breakfast Biscuits - I received the blueberry biscuits. I had been skeptical on them before and of course didn't want to buy them in the event that I wouldn't like them. I was happy to test them out though. They were good. They're crunchy, so it felt like I was eating a cookie. The blueberries are a bit chewy though and can get caught in your teeth. Overall I'd recommend them and am actually interested in seeing what other flavors they have.

Maybe Wheaties is no longer the breakfast of champions?

• Dr. School's For Her Cozy Cushions - Perfect! These cozy cushions add warm and comfort to tough shoes. Have a favorite pair of winter boots that you just can't get rid of yet? Pick up a pair of these and they'll feel like new! I tried them in a pair of flats that used to be lined, but after wearing them the lining is no longer fluffy. I would recommend that these are better for boots, but what better way to add year round functionality to some of your favorite spring shoes?

• Kiss Gradation Polishes - I was skeptical of this at first. I had to wait a little for my nails to grow out, because I didn't think I'd be able to do it with short nails. It was easier than I had thought it would be. I've read reviews and there were a lot of complaints about the dry time. I don't know, but I had no issues with my nails drying quickly. I put on the base coat, let it dry, added the second coat (which I could've done better with the amount of nail I covered here), and then added the third coat. I thought my nails didn't come out too bad. I don't know if it's something that I would want to do often, but once in awhile it's nice to have something different.

• Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara - I'm not one for make-up. I actually tried mascara for the first time this past spring. I didn't particularly like it. My eye lashes would stick together when I blinked. It was annoying. This made me very hesitant about trying this product. However, I am glad that I had the opportunity to do so. I found that this mascara was not sticky and/or dried quickly. I also didn't have to apply many coats for it to show. I actually had fun trying out different ways to wear this - thick, not so thick, by itself, with full eye make-up. It's a great product and I am actually looking forward to seeing what else I can do with it. 

"Are you wearing fake lashes?"

• Lindt LINDOR Milk Chocolate Truffles - I'm born and raised Pennsylvania girl. Chocolate to me is Hershey's and nothing but! However, I did enjoy this treat. I don't think I would buy a bunch of the milk chocolate ones, but I could see myself going after the other varieties, such as caramel.

Cheesy grins for everyone!

• Vitabath Hydrating Lotion - I wasn't one of the luck Influencers to receive this product. 

I hope I continue to have the privilege of testing products. If you have any questions about Influenster or the products above, please don't hesitate to ask! I don't mind talking about my experience. :)

I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

Careers in Student Affairs Month

[Originally written for 11/1/13] 

Last night/this morning on Facebook Ann Marie Klotz posted a question on her timeline.As I was typing my response I decided to delete all I had written and responded with: "I think I'll blog my answer". So here it is.

So what was the question? 

My answer doesn't just name a person, like most others who had commented. My answer is a much longer story than a name. See, I'm a first generation college student. All I knew about college was what I had seen through the eyes of Hollywood and heard from people at school. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. When I applied for college I had applied to two, just two: Cedar Crest College in Allentown, Pennsylvania and Franklin Pierce University in Rindge, NH. Why two? Well as most people know each college requires an application fee. I was not just a first generation college student, but I was also a first generation college student from a one parent household living in the economical lower class. I couldn't afford to apply to all the colleges that I wanted to. I applied to CCC because if I had gone to their Open House the application fee was waived. I applied to FPU because at the time they had a free application. I was accepted to FPU and was informed by my Guidance Counselor that the financial aid package was pretty good; knowing nothing about that I enrolled and graduated with my BA in Social Work and Counseling.

What does this have to do with my start in Student Affairs? Everything.

I picked up my life and moved from Pennsylvania to New Hampshire to attend college. I knew no one where I was going. The only thing I had in mind was to get my degree, graduate, and get a job. During move-in was my first encounter with Student Affairs. My mother and her significant other drove me to college in our truck, the back filled with boxes because my mother made me take way too much stuff. (Yes we were THAT family.) We followed Campus Safety's directions and parked in a space outside my building, before I was able to get out of the truck we were surrounded by what seemed like hundreds of people in blue shirts. Someone greeted me and asked where I lived. I showed them the folder I had received at the entrance of campus. They brought me to the check-in table outside of my residence hall and I was given my room key. I was then brought to my room, looking behind me trying to figure out where my mother had gone and wondering how I'm going to move my items up so many stairs. I met my roommate who had moved in early due to field hockey pre-season. I said hello and walked inside the room to see person after person bringing in all of my items and placing them in my room or outside in the hall. I moved in NOTHING! I just had it all to unpack though. The day went on with some convocation items, a mandatory floor meeting in which I first met my Resident Assistant, and a welcome carnival. My mother left during convocation. I was alone to set up my side of the room. I was in my room alone with the door opened when two girls came by asking why I wasn't at the welcome carnival. I really didn't feel like going (yep, I was THAT resident), but they convinced me to check it out so I did. I'm not going to lie and say that this was the moment that did it for me, it wasn't. It took me a while to figure it out.

Later in the semester I saw posters around the hall looking for applicants to be Resident Assistants for mid-year hires. I told myself it was too early to apply as I hadn't finished a semester there myself, but that I would for the following year. At that time I had really connected with two of the RAs in my building and the Experience Director (Hall Director/Residence Director/etc). I found myself in the RA office while they were on duty most of the nights. I then became THAT resident. I never really connected with my own RA though. She was a senior and I didn't see her around much. When she was, she was interacting with the popular girls on the floor. I tried to bridge the community and made some great friends on the entire floor. Although I was nice to them all, there were some who I was not fond of. My roommate became friends with those girls, and one night in November my roommate and a group of the girls who I didn't particularly care for were in my room  gossiping and speaking poorly of many of the other girls on the floor. I felt entirely uncomfortable even siting at my desk witnessing this. Luckily some of the girls I had met in the building invited me to go bowling (side note: bowling in New England is not traditional ten pin bowling - it's Candle Pin bowling and I'm sure the locals got a kick out of seeing two girls from Pennsylvania and one from New Jersey trying to figure it out!) While I was out, unbeknownst to me, the girls in my room went through my things, put on my undergarments and took pictures of themselves. I found out a few days later when one of my friends on the floor had found the photos in her room (her roommate was involved). I went to my Experience Director's office and asked for a room change. At that point in time anyone who had an opening was not willing to welcome someone new into their space as they had a double as a single. I didn't want to be in a worse situation so I didn't pry too much when girls told me no. I was lucky to find an opening in a triple on a different floor in the building with an international student from Japan and a transfer student. I was happy to move and lucky to have some friends help me make the move too.

I found out later that my RA knew about it and didn't do anything because they were her friends. My new RA was a senior who had just gotten engaged so I never saw her either. I kept my relationships and connections with the other RAs in the building, and decided that I not only wanted to be a RA but I needed to be one. I needed to be a RA because residents needed someone who they could count on to help them, assist them, and be there for them. For the rest of my freshman year I became involved with Res Life, applied for a RA job in the spring and was offered a position for the next year. I was a RA for one year and a Head RA for a second year. During those years I participated in RLAGS, a NH based Residence Life conference, and did what I could to go above and beyond. I knew at that time that I wanted to make a career in Residence Life. When I was asked why I became a RA, I didn't shy away from the truth: I became a RA because my experiences with RAs were horrible. I became a RA because I didn't want other students going through the difficult transition that I had gone through. As with most things in my life, I do them because I have seen the bad and want to make things better for others so they don't have to go through it.

Who encouraged me to enter the field? I did. Me. Myself. I.

However, there are some really great professionals I have met who have kept me in the field. A huge thank you to those who've been there when I needed some guidance, assistance, or just someone to hash out an idea with. Here are some of them, just to name a few, (i.e. the big ticket winners, who at times I'm not sure I would know what to do without them): 

• Laurie A Berry
• Shigeo James Iwamiya
• Julie Payne Kirchmeier
• Beth Moriarty
• Ann Marie Klotz

But Mostly I am Alone.

I sit in my office 9am-5pm Monday-Friday.
Sometimes I see students as they stop in with a quick no-more-than-5-minute question.
Sometimes I meet with my RA staff.
Sometimes I meet with students for a conduct hearing.
Sometimes my Assistant Hall Director is in the Office.
But mostly I am alone.

My residents are busy.
My residents are doing important things in their classes.
Some of them are working on amazing research projects.
Some of my residents work off campus.
Some of my residents work jobs in multiple locations on campus.
But mostly I am alone.

I sit in an office staring out the window watching the world pass me by - literally, because my office faces a major roadway and so I just watch cars whizzing by, but I continue to be alone. As an introvert I should revel in this. I should be running full steam ahead, but instead I struggle to stay focused. I get my work done, but it's mundane and boring. I'm challenged by transitioning to the change of pace, but am I truly being challenged as a professional?
What, other than supervision, has truly changed with my transition?
What did I want to focus on?
What was I excited for?
How do I reconnect to the passion I had?

I get that transitions are hard and change is difficult. I guess I didn't think that doing this for the fourth time was going to be as hard. Though every campus is different; every student population and culture varies slightly from the other, I should be able to handle this. I'm surrounded by hundreds of new people, but mostly I am alone. I'm in the need of a re-evaluation and recharge.

I didn't know I had a ticket on the struggle bus, but now it won't let me off!

Break the silence: It begins with us.

If you have not seen this video, I suggest watching it.
















Because of this video I have decided to write this post. I've lived in silence. I didn't want to give in because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to be seen as weak. I didn't want to be viewed any differently than I already was. I was the fat kid in school. I was the poor kid in school. I was the kid who went above and beyond trying to make others feel wanted/needed when no one cared about me. I was the kid who fought for a voice. I was the kid who stopped trying. I was the kid that flew under the radar. I was the kid who was abused for speaking up. I was the kid who stopped fighting it. I was the kid who let it get the best of me. I was the kid who was on the outside looking in. I was the kid who was silently screaming for help. I was the kid that never got help...

It took me until I was 27 years old to admit to myself that I had depression and I needed help.

It took me until I was 27 years old.

27 years old. 

I had suffered for 15 years before telling anyone.
Yes, I was 12 when it started. 

We don't talk about it because no one wants to know. We don't talk about it because we don't want to be viewed as broken, as weak, as crazy. We don't talk about it because when we do we know the judging begins. We don't talk about it because we know people will start to tip toe around us. We don't talk about it because we know if you don't suffer from depression you don't understand. We don't talk about it because sometimes it's easier/safer to suffer alone. We don't talk about it because we're afraid.

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." - F.D.R

We should not be feared. We should not be afraid. Break the silence.

Achievement Unlocked: Survive Week 1

I did it. I packed up my life and moved 556.5 miles to a new beginning.

I decided to record some thoughts about my first week. Some days were busier than others. Some days were better than others. However, in the grand scheme of things it really was a good week. I'm very happy being able to participate in professional staff training before RAs arrive. It's important and more institutions need to make sure they are doing what they can to offer professionals this kind of opportunity.

First Day:

• Overwhelmed by benefit information. Amazed by how Facilities Management operates and the opportunities that allow for input on my building/area. More intense items seem to be coming next week. Eek!

Second Day:

• No one told me the morning sessions time had changed, I was 30 minutes late. The session covered an introduction to our department of Campus Living for new staff. Luckily they didn't mind waiting. Afterward I went with two new colleagues to the Student Union as I had not been before and had Moe's for lunch. Which I have  never had, but it was good. No Chipotle, but it works. The day finished with learning about the Keys System and BASIS which is the card access system UB uses. I enjoyed knowing that I didn't have to actually scan a card to reprogram it! I'm excited for the new technology.

Third Day:

• Started the day with a session for an introduction to Judicial Affairs. I then returned to campus and worked on my expectations for my Assistant Hall Director and separate expectation lists for RAs during training and the upcoming year.  I had an Area Meeting, which consisted of speaking with my supervisor and colleague about things for the year. I look forward to these meetings as I'm able to get a lot of questions answered and a better understanding on certain topics. I finished the day with an ice cream social and local Trivia Night with colleagues. 
• Overall a success.

Fourth Day:

• Assistant Hall Directors arrived last night. Today they joined us for training. I was in my office early, still trying to figure out a new layout for my desk. The other night when I had tried it almost ended in an anxiety attack. I think I've figured it out - now just to get help moving furniture. I met with my AHD to discuss layout and then we both joined the rest of the Area for a staff meeting. Afterward we headed to North campus for lunch to rejoin the rest of the RHD/AHD staff for training. Coming from a staff of two it's crazy to see so many professionals in training sessions. 
• Residential Education Curriculum. Intense, but excited to learn!

Fifth Day:

• Sustainability - we have a solar panel grid on campus and we compost! This is awesome.
• Budgeting - I love this part of the job. I can't wait to configure my excel workbooks for the semester/year and work with the Budget Office on handling purchases.
• Community Development and Paraprofessional Programming Model - lots of new stuff. Lots of things I need to remember and get acquainted with, but nothing too far fetched that I won't be able to accomplish. Also, the interactive presentation for the programming model was a nice change up.
• Sessions ran long, but they were interactive and enjoyable. A lot of information to go over in a short period of time. The staff have done great in presenting material.

Final thoughts: Bring on week 2!

When someone doesn't like you...

Why do we continue to hold onto a relationship or connection when it's clear that one person is not fond of the other person? Is it because there wasn't a clear break and we need closure? Or is it because we are only perceiving the feelings of someone else and haven't actually brought up the conversation? Why don't we bring up these types of conversations?

I'm well aware that not everyone is going to like me. I understand that I may rub some the wrong way. None of this is intentional, but who can honestly say that they enjoy everyone that they've ever met? It's not uncommon to not agree with or get along with someone. What do we do with that?

I'm the type of person that wants to know. I want to know if you're not fond of me. I want to know because I don't want to waste putting energy into a relationship or connection if it's lacking on the other end. I'm willing to help anyone and everyone when they need it - I find joy in that, but if you don't want my assistance I need to know. I want to know what I'm doing wrong.

I think as time goes on we've catered to the "everyone gets a trophy for being a part of the team" instead of instilling values that not everyone can be a winner. Maybe I'm this way because I grew up in an era that you didn't always get what you wanted. You cried. You got angry. But you know what? In the end you were better for it because you had more drive, passion, and dedication to do better, to change, or to work harder.

I'm open to criticism. I'm open to honesty. I'm open to knowledge and learning. I don't think learning ever ends. I don't think we can ever stop growing either. I don't believe that I want to. I'm aware that I'm not perfect. I may be a perfectionist in things that I do, but am aware that I can never achieve perfection in who I am. Why? Because perfection doesn't exist in human form. Society, the media, and others will try to tell us what perfect is, but the definition doesn't exist.

So what do you do when someone doesn't like you? When you don't fit into their ideals or when personalities and beliefs disagree? I'm still trying to navigate this. My inclination is to confront the person and ask them. Have that difficult conversation and find out where I stand.

What would you do?

What have you done?

Now that it's official

Photo courtesy of HigherEdJobs.com

As some of my readers (Do I actually have readers?) are aware I have been a Resident Director at Southern Maine Community College since February 2011. I looked at this opportunity to expand my scope of expertise, to gain experience in the public sector, and to explore a new city. All of which I believe I have been able to accomplish. In doing so I have also dealt with some personal struggles that pulled on my heart strings to be closer to my family.
After a long few months of applying and interviewing I have completed another job search. The result of this is that I will be leaving my current position on Friday, July 26, 2013. I have been offered and accepted a position at the University at Buffalo in Buffalo, NY. I am excited for this transition and the new journey I am about to begin. 

Photo courtesy of buffalo.edu

Reflecting back on my experiences while at SMCC is bittersweet. I enjoyed having the chance to teach, learn, and grow with my staff, residents, and colleagues. Being here has been filled with a lot of growth for me as a professional and I have enjoyed that. I am going to miss the students; those who I have helped, those who I have pushed academically and socially, and those who I may not have had the opportunity of working with. I appreciate the students I had the opportunity of sharing Spring Point Hall with and wish them all the best of luck. 
Reflecting back on my experiences while at SMCC is bittersweet. I enjoyed having the chance to teach, learn, and grow with my staff, residents, and colleagues. Being here has been filled with a lot of growth for me as a professional and I have enjoyed that. I am going to miss the students; those who I have helped, those who I have pushed academically and socially, and those who I may not have had the opportunity of working with. I appreciate the students I had the opportunity of sharing Spring Point Hall with and wish them all the best of luck. 

Sightseeing:

• Bug Light Lighthouse
• Spring Point Ledgelight
• Fort Williams Park/Portland Head Light
• Willard Beach
• Maine Wildlife Park

Eateries:

• Becky's Diner
• Docks Seafood
• The Great Lost Bear
• Kamasouptra
• Portland Lobster Co.

Thank you. 

Overall the past 2.5 years has been a great adventure. I was able to continue with my career and explore a new location. I may not have fallen completely head over heels for Maine, but it did offer some good things. If you are ever in the area and want to indulge in some of it's gems, check out these places:

I look forward to joining a new staff and continuing to grow and develop as a professional. I'm also excited to meet new students. I entered my career in Higher Education because I wanted to make a difference, either big or small. I wanted to be someone that a lost, confused, or even completely put together student may need. I wanted to be someone that I needed when I was applying to college. I still want to be that person. I think most of my drive and passion for the field comes from my own experience - the good and bad - when I was a college student. It's not easy work. At times it's a very thankless position, but one I don't think I could see myself not doing.

As a chapter closes, a new one is being written.

Internal Struggle of a Woman in Student Affairs

*Update: So I originally wrote this in a fluster of emotions and have decided that it could use some tuning. I have edited this entry. Please feel free to give it another read.

My career has always been more important to me than the traditional path that young girls are told about and then dream about during their youth. I'm not sure if it's truly because I am a Capricorn and we are more determined in our careers, or the fact that I grew up in a single parent home and watched my mother struggle to take care of my sister and I my entire life. Seeing her work multiple jobs, come home exhausted, and still try to do what she could to give us a memorable childhood is something that I will never forget. I don't want to. Her struggles have become a part of me as I've used them to keep myself going.

For the majority of the time I am not bothered by not being settled, with no fiancee or husband, and no dependents. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please. But then there are those times when it all hits me and I realize that I'm almost the big 3-0 and I have little to nothing to show for it. Yes, I have a job. I am employed. What does that really say though? I haven't made any major breakthroughs or presented anything memorable in my field so just holding the position doesn't even seem like an accomplishment anymore.

I thought obtaining my Master's degree was going to make a difference. I feel no different. I now just question if that was even worth it. I'm the first person in my family to graduate college. I should be proud of that, and I am; it just doesn't make me anymore established now. I need that drive, the jolt that I used to have to be proud of what I was doing. I don't know where it went or why it left. I may have to construct some "lost, if found contact me" posters. I truly would like that back.

What people who know me don't understand is that I do have an internal struggle that creeps out every now and then. It's job hunting season. It's also wedding season, and that's usually quickly followed by baby season. Every now and then I say "I don't want to get married" or "I don't want to have kids...I have to take care of enough already", and being a live-in professional that is not far from the truth. However, I was, in my own mind, a typical little girl dreaming about her wedding day and how it would be. Over the course of the years it's changed from time to time, but it's always been the same result - I get married. I certainly like my alone time but I don't like being lonely - and those are two very different things.

So in the job hunting season there are multiple feelings that come out. If you are job hunting you're filled with stress, anxiety, confusion, hope, excitement, and hopefully in the end satisfaction because you landed the job that you were really going after. If you're not job hunting you could be feeling anxious or confused because you may not know if you should be looking or if it's time. When is the right time? Is there a right time? This also leads to periods of jealousy too - yes it happens. If you're job searching you see other colleagues or professionals excitedly sharing their good news. For them you are happy, but for you it's: "what's wrong with me?", "why can't I find a job?", "will I ever find one?" and the despair can spiral out of control from there.

People don't usually relate the two, but job hunting season is a lot like wedding season. You have to find the right dress/interview attire, you have to plan travel/honeymoon, you have to plan time away from work, writing the thank you letters, etc. For those who are planning/searching you deal with the aforementioned feelings. Seriously, if Higher Education wasn't stressful enough - they throw in June to really mess with your plans.

I'm not even going to touch on baby season...more than it's really hard to be nice when you see an ugly baby picture. Come on, we've all seen them - it happens. All babies are not cute.

And for those who are not in the midst of any of these seasons, we're stuck on the sidelines trying to navigate our lives around all the new status updates, tweets, and pictures inundating us with your happy news. I'm happy for you, I really am, but it doesn't make it any easier for me to figure out what I should find important in my life with all that being thrown at me. When you are 28, single, and with no children society really doesn't understand that asking "when are you going to settle down", "when are you getting married?", "don't you want to have children?", really isn't that nice. That's a lot of pressure people!

Over the course of this past year I've thought about all this more than I have ever before. I never was one to like staying in one place. I've always been interested in traveling and having my own experiences, but now I can't help but fight off the homesickness. It's time for a change when you can be in a room full of people and  feel out of place or completely alone. I am searching. I have hopes that I will find a position and location that is exactly what I am looking for. I am trying to get a grasp on this crazy thing called life. Can you have two mid life crisis's? Because I surely thought I went through one when I was 25. Maybe it just hasn't ended yet? Do men have similar struggles? Am I really that alone in this?

I don't have the answers. I may never have them. However, if I do get married and have children - I do not want my children to ever feel like they have to get married and have children to feel like they are someone. Life is different for everyone and happiness can surround us all.

I don't think I've ever been this lost or confused.

Quality of Life: Live-In Staff [Pets]

[UPDATE: 3/21/14] So I originally posted this almost a year ago, and it's funny what a year can change. I switched positions but am still at an institution that does not allow professional staff to own pets, other than fish. With my new position I moved closer to home. I have been able to go home a little more often than I had been able to while I was living so far away. This was a nice change. I enjoyed being able to go home and spend time with our dogs. But, what does this have to do with an update?
Well, unfortunately over the past few months my dog that I have had since I was 15 began to have health problems. My mom called me earlier this month saying that they may have to put him down. I checked in after I knew they had brought him to the vet and it seemed like with medication he was getting better. Then, out of the blue two weeks after he was at the vet my dog died at home. I was notified around 10:00 p.m. the night that it happened. For some this might not seem like a big deal, but for me it was. My dog was part of my life for thirteen years. He was my dog through most of my adolescence, and well for anyone who has been through adolescence you know how important those relationships are to you. I took some time off last week to go home, say goodbye, and spend time with our other dog (technically my sister's dog). Having animals around is important to me, and I've realized that this has become a more important issue to not only my professional life but also my personal life. I'm an advocate for allowing live-in professionals the opportunity to have pets on campus. I believe I'm more of an advocate now than I was before. I don't think institutions should just have a "no, never, don't even ask" mindset. They need to be able to allow professionals to make a case and then decide. Maybe all hall apartments aren't set up for a pet policy, but what if you had some options on campus?

RIP 3/10/14 Sid

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Growing up do you remember when you received your first pet?
Do you remember when you first asked, begged, and pleaded with your parents to get you a pet?


It may seem like such a long time ago, but for me I remember most of it clearly. I didn't beg, plead, or ask for a pet my Mom just got them for us. When I was very little we first had a fish tank. I remember because I used to sit down in our living room for hours watching the fish swim around. I'm not sure what happened to the fish tank, but then we got a bird. I remember the bird because one night during summer someone forgot to shut a window, the temperature dropped, and the bird died in it's cage. I remember burying the bird beneath a tree in our backyard. After that it was a few years before we got another pet. The next pet was a cat from a local farm. It was white with orange-ish brown spots. I named her St. Aloysius (it was the church next door and one I had attended my entire life). I grew up with her for most of my childhood. She was an indoor-outdoor cat, and I was there when she had kittens which then we took care of them too. After St. Aloyusis died we got a dog and named him Buddy. Since, we've had other cats and dogs, but also gerbils, fish, and a mouse.

When I moved away for college I owned fish and during breaks I'd go home to the two English Setters we got my Sophomore year of High School. I have only ever been without pets since I became a professional. So what does this have anything to do with? Well, in my previous positions I was close enough to home to still feel like I owned pets. I'd visit the house, play with the two dogs, and things would be fine. However, now that I currently live ten hours from home, I don't get that luxury. Sure, I could have fish - but who wants to pet a fish? Who wants to curl up on a rainy day reading a book on the couch with a fish in your lap? There are just too many things that fish can't do to make them a worthwhile pet now.

As an adult, I am able to purchase a pet and provide for it. However, because of my chosen career I am either limited in this ability or it's stripped from me altogether. I understand that there are arguments on both ends for live-in professionals to have pets. Although it seems that some of the arguments against are frivolous  "What will the residents say? The residents can't have pets." Yes, the residents can't have pets. Are the residents employees of the institution? Employees have different rights and expectations than consumers/customers - this works in all venues.

I haven't done an official poll, but I have asked a few other live-in professionals about this and the ones who are allowed to own pets are much more interested in staying with their institution, are happier at work, and feel more like a professional than just a glorified student. If we are trying to provide the best experience to our students and hire the most qualified individuals; should we not invest in making sure they are going to want to stay? What about modeling good behavior? Being responsible? Pet owners have good time management skills, are reliable, innovative, and caring; so why wouldn't student affairs be interested in keeping people with these skills. It seems that there's more disservice done than good in having policies against pet ownership.

Quality of Life: Live-In Staff [Live-in Partners]

In increasing numbers states are passing new legislation that is making marriage possible for all, no matter the individuals identified gender. How does this affect Higher Education?

Since I started as a professional I have been single. It's never been a question during interviews whether or not the institution offers professionals with the opportunity to have another adult live with them. As an undergraduate I saw the live-in professionals with their significant others or spouses and never questioned it. Why would I? Why would I think that adults would not be able to live with someone that they loved and had committed to?

I never really paid attention to it. I wasn't interested in falling in love and starting that "next chapter" of my life. I wanted to get an education. I wanted to find a job. I wanted a career.

Now as I close in on the end of my twenties and start seeing friends and relatives my age begin to "settle down", I think about these things a little more. I'm more aware of relationships. I'm also more aware that just because you are seen as a responsible adult, that doesn't mean that in your career you can always have the traditional/common luxuries that everyone else does.

As a live-in professional there are three types of situations, or at least there are three that I can identify:

• Married
• Engaged/Long-term commitment
• Dating/Long-term commitment

Let's discuss these a little closer:

Married:

• You've done it! You tied the knot. You started the next chapter. You're in it for the long haul. You're committed...or one of the many other common sayings about marriage. Congratulations! I have not come across an institution that denies a married professional from living in a residence hall on campus. I haven't really searched either, but I find that there'd be a whole lot of legal mess if they didn't allow it. So you can live with your significant other, you can do your job, you can continue with your career.

Engaged/Long-term commitment:

• You met someone. You fell in love. You've both chosen each other as "the one". Congratulations! Though just because you have committed to each other, it doesn't mean institutions have to recognize that and allow for you to live in a residence hall together. It is a little more common now because there is no Federal law allowing equal marriage rights to everyone...[yet], and not all states have passed their own laws yet. However, it may take a little bit of searching, if you are, for a new position that the new institution would have a policy for it.

Dating/Long-term commitment:

• You met someone. You fell in love. You both may or may not have chosen each other as "the one". You are committed to each other, but may not be ready for engagement or marriage. Maybe you don't want to get married? I believe this is where it gets even more difficult. Institutions in states that have not passed marriage equality laws may still have domestic partner policies or live-in partner policies, but I have found less and less of those.

As a profession do we not talk about modeling good behaviors? Do we not discuss being good role models? Why is it that if someone is good enough to be hired and trusted as a live-in/live-on professional whose responsibility it is to make sound and rationale decisions is it then not allowed for them to be trusted to choose a quality live-in partner? If our professional life decisions are acceptable, why aren't our personal life decisions?

Before, the hot topic was work/life balance, but now people are talking about work/life integration. Do people forget about live-in professionals when they come up with these things? I love what I do. I love living in the residence hall and being a part of the community. I love the after hours conversations that I have with students. I love that there are times when they tell you that you've made a difference - maybe just in their day, week, month, year, but sometimes it's in their entire life. A small thank you speaks volumes to me. I love what I do. I'm not ready to quit. I don't want to quit. But I'm also not ready to move on from my current level of profession. Although I have five years of experience as a entry-level Resident Director, I don't believe it's the same experience as an entry-level RD at a large institution. My background is primarily at small private liberal arts colleges - which I've loved, don't get me wrong - but I don't have the experience of dealing with a paraprofessional staff of more than eight Resident Assistants. I don't have the experience of supervising a Graduate Assistant. I don't feel I would be prepared for an Assistant Director role. Could I do it? I believe so. I just don't believe the overall quality would be great. I don't want to put out poor quality stuff!

So here I am; at the end of my 20's, recent graduate of a Master's program, trying to navigate my next move. Where do I go from here? I haven't exactly figured that one out yet, but I do know - even as a single woman - that in my next position I want to know that I have the option of having someone I love live with me. I want to know that if I find someone, I don't have to wait. I want to know that I can have a career and I can have a personal life. Why must that include marriage? What if I don't want to get married? What if I don't believe in it? Maybe I don't. Maybe I do, but why should I feel that I'm forced into it? I'm aware I will have limited options, but I don't believe it should be that way. The field is growing at a steady rate, if I don't like the terms of one position someone else will. Someone else who may be younger. Someone else who may not care, as I once did. 

What, as professionals, are we saying about our field if we put so many limits on professionals? I am not advocating that I can turn my on campus apartment into a revolving door of possible suitors. I however am advocating that institutions take a closer look at their policies. Maybe they should look at what they present from a would-be candidates eyes. If you had to do it over again, would you want to work there? Would you be able to  live alone? Would you want to?

Quality of Life: Live-In Staff

A lot of topics have been racing through my mind lately. I'm not sure if it's the fact that it's conference season, and for some job hunting season, or not, but I've been thinking and reflecting a lot on my own feelings. I participated in a few professional development webinars and discussions via Twitter regarding the Student Affairs profession and live-in professionals.

Over the next few days... [at least I plan for it to be over a few days, however if I get going I may write them all in one sitting.] I'd like to focus on a few topics that are important to me regarding the quality of life for live-in professionals.

I plan to focus on the following topics:

• Expectations
• Live-in partners
• Pets

I believe those are three strong starting points. I don't know if the series will grow, but for now I'm starting there. Please stayed tuned. :)

Mover & a Shaker

For quite some time now I've believed myself to be a black sheep, and I've started to own that persona. I don't believe this to be a bad thing. I could be wrong, but no one has told me otherwise yet.

Looking back on my professional experience I can't pin point the exact moment when I turned into a black sheep, but I can pin point times when I went against the grain.

In 2008 I was in my first full-time professional Resident Director role and I was eager to get my hands dirty.  I was a sponge that wanted to soak up all and any knowledge/experience that I could. As I look back I believe I can see my woolen fleece start to blacken then. I would slightly butt heads with my supervisor. It was nothing in the way that either of us worked or were doing our jobs so much as me wanting to make change and improvements too quickly for the institution. I was young - bright eyed and bushy tailed - I didn't understand that as a professional I couldn't make changes as easily or quickly as I thought I could. This was a great learning experience for me. It's also something I sometimes struggle with. This may be the Millennial side of me that I so reluctantly except myself to be a part of.

Am I putting my foot in my mouth?

Career suicide? 

I don't know how to not ask questions. My mind constantly is working, and I am always thinking of new things, ideas, policies, issues, etc. How do you turn it off? How do you grow as a professional without being a bit of a black sheep? How can we learn if we are not willing to take a risk?

I had a paraprofessional staff member once answer a question with - "why not?" and it's stuck with me for all these years. Why do we only ask why, instead of asking why not? The worst case is that we'll be told no. I don't mind this rejection. I sometimes think I may strive for it. I want to ask all the questions I have. I want to try all my ideas. I want to fail. I want to succeed. I want to learn. Maybe I'm no longer fearful. Maybe I'm at the point in my life and in my professional career that I have the confidence to be able to ask the questions no one else does. I'm at the time where I want to push boundaries. I want to be told no, and then rebuttal it. I want action. I want to see passion in others. I want to see your drive.

I need an environment that will challenge me. I want change. I need change.

In the age of hook-up's

I keep trying to tell myself that I am not old, even though every day I find something else that makes me feel as such; today is no exception. Lately on campus there has been an increase in discussions of sexuality. I'm not sure if it's because Maine is trying to pass same sex marriage or not [it passed!], but it sure has got my mind going.

We are a culture that shames sexuality. It's something that we don't want to talk about, hear about, or see. I'm not sure what happened between the days of viewing the naked human form as art and now viewing it as porn, but I'm confused by it. According to the story of Adam and Eve, if Eve never ate the apple from the tree of knowledge, we'd all be walking around naked right now!

So why are we so ashamed of discussing sexuality and giving information out to those who need/want it? One thing that I am thankful for is that I work at a public institution that doesn't limit the resources we can share with students. However, as many may be aware, some of these resources are not highly thought of in some circles and are risking being closed.

I feel as though I come from a time when hooking up meant making out and maybe getting to "2nd base". In conversations with students I've been informed that that is not how the term is used anymore; which is why I've become to feel old again. Hooking up, at least here, means having sex. I am someone who believes that exploring your sexuality and having sex isn't a bad thing, and it shouldn't be shameful. Although, I also believe that sex has to be consensual, at all times, and done with precautions. So what is the point in all of this?

Well, how many of you have met with students who have questions about Plan B, abortions, pregnancy tests, STD testing, sexual assaults, or birth control? Now, I do understand that it may depend on your institution as to what conversations you may be able to have with students, but here I find that these conversations are increasing. Last year we had a few students who were pregnant and/or got pregnant while they were here. Again, it may be different in your area or at your institution  but I find here that in the age of the hook up, conversations in a preventative manner are not happening.  Why might this be?

• First generation students.
• Low income/poverty.
• Religious beliefs.
• Lack of Sexual Health Education classes

...What are your thoughts? Can you add to this list?

Now as the weather begins to warm and young love is in the air - what do you see on your campus? Within the past month it's interesting how I've noticed the relationships among residents forming or breaking apart. Are you taking notice? Have you increased any programming efforts in your area? Of course a hot topic in February is focused around relationships and Valentine's Day. In my building our monthly bulletin board was focused on sexual health. However, my hints at doing educational programs about sex have not been reciprocated. 

Final thought: This year I've learned that we should not expect our residents/students to come to college prepared with knowledge on sexual health. I've answered more questions and have had many conversations about sex and condoms then I ever thought I would.

Change - Obama made it popular and I'm running with it.

It's only the 22nd day of the new year and already I feel like I've done so much. I've never really made New Year's resolutions before and I wasn't going to start now. I wasn't sure what to expect from this year, and although we're not even a full month into it, I feel like this is my year. This is going to be magnificent! This year is a year of change.

Obama may have made "change" popular in 2008, but now I'm running with it. I've done well with it so far.




[Alright, so I may have started this post on the 22nd and didn't complete it]

Soooo now on the 28th day of the month, I'm still motivated to have "change" be my word of 2013. I have big plans and I can't wait to unravel some of them. For now, my main focus is on changing my health. I've done well. I ended 2012 with some life-changing news and have yet to let that stop me.

After using Noom since mid December, I have lost 24lbs. The weight is still coming off, but not as quickly as before. I need to start adding actual exercise into my lifestyle. So far, I've just done walking. I hope to implement using Your Shape Fitness into my routine. Here goes nothing...


What I've taken so far from this: let change happen. 

Follow Up: What people don't know

I've debated doing this. I wasn't sure if I wanted to actually put this out here or not, but I've felt that maybe it'll be good. Maybe this will be a bit of a personal blog with random professional entries? Who knows. I was never sure what this was going to be anyhow.

My tests results have come in. I received a phone call from my doctors while I was home on vacation  I of course missed the call and had to call them back. I called my doctor's back and none of the nurses were available. The receptionist gave me my test results.

I have fatty liver disease.

I have a follow up appointment with my doctor for additional tests on January 30th. All I have been told is to, of course, cut down on my fat intake and eat more fruits and vegetables. The funny thing is, is that I don't eat a lot of high fat foods. I don't eat a lot of foods in general. I don't know why or how this happened, but all I can do is move forward. I have continued to eat healthier, or tried my best while on vacation. I have had some success. The last time I posted I stated I had lost 8.4lbs. I am now down a total of 16.6lbs! I have a goal of dropping an additional 20lbs by March. It's a slow process, but I am motivated for this goal. I also hope that I will know more after my doctors appointment at the end of the month.

So, here I go on another journey...