Mover & a Shaker

For quite some time now I've believed myself to be a black sheep, and I've started to own that persona. I don't believe this to be a bad thing. I could be wrong, but no one has told me otherwise yet.

Looking back on my professional experience I can't pin point the exact moment when I turned into a black sheep, but I can pin point times when I went against the grain.

In 2008 I was in my first full-time professional Resident Director role and I was eager to get my hands dirty.  I was a sponge that wanted to soak up all and any knowledge/experience that I could. As I look back I believe I can see my woolen fleece start to blacken then. I would slightly butt heads with my supervisor. It was nothing in the way that either of us worked or were doing our jobs so much as me wanting to make change and improvements too quickly for the institution. I was young - bright eyed and bushy tailed - I didn't understand that as a professional I couldn't make changes as easily or quickly as I thought I could. This was a great learning experience for me. It's also something I sometimes struggle with. This may be the Millennial side of me that I so reluctantly except myself to be a part of.

Am I putting my foot in my mouth?

Career suicide? 

I don't know how to not ask questions. My mind constantly is working, and I am always thinking of new things, ideas, policies, issues, etc. How do you turn it off? How do you grow as a professional without being a bit of a black sheep? How can we learn if we are not willing to take a risk?

I had a paraprofessional staff member once answer a question with - "why not?" and it's stuck with me for all these years. Why do we only ask why, instead of asking why not? The worst case is that we'll be told no. I don't mind this rejection. I sometimes think I may strive for it. I want to ask all the questions I have. I want to try all my ideas. I want to fail. I want to succeed. I want to learn. Maybe I'm no longer fearful. Maybe I'm at the point in my life and in my professional career that I have the confidence to be able to ask the questions no one else does. I'm at the time where I want to push boundaries. I want to be told no, and then rebuttal it. I want action. I want to see passion in others. I want to see your drive.

I need an environment that will challenge me. I want change. I need change.