'Tis The Season

I have come to the conclusion that there truly are two sets of people in the world: those who are pleasant and kind and those who don't care about anything but themselves. Sure we may all have our selfish moments, but I'm talking about the people who truly live their lives like this. Trying to do holiday shopping with these people is madness. Don't you dare think that you can be patient and courteous to the sales staff at a store, because you're holding them up from their shopping. Sorry, am I supposed to plan my entire schedule around everyone else? I did my shopping on time/in advance/not last minute so I am more than happy to be laid back when I need to go out. The "me me me" people are not. It's quite disheartening. 

Because I have seen so much of this recently, I've made strides to go out of my way to help others. I don't have much money to my name, but the other evening when I was leaving the mall there was a man holding a sign that read "homeless, just got a job, but need bus fare". I rolled down my window and gave him all the change I had. Sure, he could be lying but I'd rather like to feel that I was doing some good. Even if he used the money to buy beer, cigarettes it gave him some enjoyment for a night. Why should I, even though I don't agree with either of those things, deem him not worthy of having a little enjoyment?

This past Wednesday after having dinner I decided that I needed to pick up a few items from Target. Our local store is open until midnight and I got there around 10:00/10:30pm. I did my shopping. I checked out and then left my cart inside near the other returned carts. I walked to my car, bags in hand, and placed them inside. I then saw the shopping cart corraller (what exactly is their title?) walking all over the parking lot retrieving abandoned carts. Seriously, you parked two spaces away from the cart return and you're just going to leave it there? There were many offenders of this. I decided that I had time and I was not in a rush. I walked all over the parking lot looking for abandoned carts and returned them to the cart return. I first started with all the carts that were in the very back of the parking lot - you know, no man's land where no one wants to ever park, but must during the holidays. I also walked over to some cars and waited for people to unload their carts before returning them on their behalf. It was funny. One interaction I had was with a gentlemen. He watched me as I approached him and to not freak him out too much as I neared I just said I was here to collect his cart, and he replied "Well, you're either here for my wallet, or my cart". We had a nice little chuckle, he finished emptying his cart and then I walked away. I realized after some time that no one knew I wasn't a Target employer. I was wearing black pants and a red hoodie...so I guess I passed? I don't need the recognition nor do I want it, but I kept thinking that I'd be getting in trouble from Target or something. Maybe a liability? I don't know. I had a good laugh about it to myself on my way home though.

I'm not sure what time I ended up leaving, but I didn't until I was satisfied that the parking lot was emptied of all abandoned carts. Before I left I went into Target to use the restroom and on my way out I made eye contact with the gentlemen who's actual job it was to move carts, and just smiled. It was such a pleasant feeling. Why don't we do this more often? What happened to helping others? We seem to only care when it's the holidays or in times of disaster. And I get it to a sense; we're more aware of our surroundings and the things going on around us, but shouldn't we always be?

I never make New Year's resolutions, but I think this year I'm at least going to make it a point, at least to myself, to do more for others. How about you?

What people don't know.

There are a lot of aspects about my life that people do not know. I do keep things private. I don't try and put any of my burdens on anyone else. I feel like there comes a time that you need to tell people what is going on; if not only for the fact that they might interact with you better if they knew the truth. So, instead of my usual professional life post, this one is going to be personal.

Confused yet? Before this goes on in circles I'll get down to the nitty gritty.

For most of my life I have been fat. I've accepted that fact and have lived with it. Until recently the most I've ever weighed was 270 pounds. However, for some reason that number has sky rocketed and I gained a lot of weight in a very short period of time. I can't remember when it was now, but within the past year I had to have a procedure down to check my digestive system. Of course it's nice when your doctor is blunt and notifies you that the worst case scenario is that you might have cancer. Luckily, this procedure produced no concrete results of any serious issues. So, I've been just living life a day at a time and not thinking much of my health.

Although, one of the things that I have been doing off an on is using apps geared towards tracking calories and healthy eating. For months I was using MyFitnessPal, which does work and is a good program. I however didn't find great success with it, which is why I had used it off and on. I have an Android smartphone and it has enabled me to do a lot with being more mindful of what I'm eating and doing. I thought I was doing well.

Within the past 3 months my weight has been rising and I haven't changed much of what I've been doing. A little over a week ago I noticed that the muscles in my legs seemed tight when I did certain movements. I didn't notice anything other than that so I thought nothing of it. I went to a Professional Development Networking event and didn't get home until late. I thought my shoes were fitting a little funny and then I looked down and saw that my feet were swollen. My legs also felt different. As I was changing to get ready for bed I noticed that not only my feet but my legs (calves) were swollen too. They were so swollen that it felt as if they may burst. It was late and I was very tired. I decided that I will just elevate my feet and go to bed. The next day I woke up and made a doctors appointment. At the doctor's I was advised to drink more water, sit with my legs elevated above my heart as much as possible, and make sure I wasn't standing or sitting for too long. The doctor also wanted to run blood tests. I have had blood tests done multiple times over the past 3 months and almost wanted to argue that point. Because I have never had symptoms like this before, I went ahead with the scheduled blood work. At this visit I was shocked that my weight had drastically rose to 303lbs. I've never weighed that much before and it was not a great feeling seeing that on the scale.

My other blood test results had indicated that I had slightly high levels of liver enzymes. My doctor has been monitoring that. After the blood tests I had done on Monday I received a call from my doctor's office stating that my liver enzyme levels were still high and they were scheduling an ultrasound to check my liver. I will be having this done this coming week. My last doctor's appointment before this most current one, I did speak to my doctor about my weight. We discussed what a normal day for me is like. She was very understanding. She stated that I wasn't eating enough food, which has always been an issue for me. I don't eat breakfast, ever. I eat lunch and then dinner. Maybe having a snack between meals and after. So, I decided I would go back to MyFitnessPal. I lasted only a few days as I was searching for a new app that I could be more dedicated to. I luckily found Noom. I basically just use MyFitnessPal to track my progress and Noom for everything else. It's been wonderful. I will tell you all about it, if you want...or even if you don't. I'm excited about it. It may be a silly "gadget" to you, but I need it. Since I started using Noom I've lost 8.4lbs! I've just been eating food too. Sure, the food choices are a bit different now, but this is a whole lifestyle change. Until I know anything about why my liver enzyme levels are high, I'm doing what I can do be healthy and benefit myself. [During all of this my phone was having issues so I had to send it to get fixed. I recently bought myself a tablet and am using that until my phone is returned to me. It's not as mobile, not small enough to fit in my pocket, so it's a little more cumbersome. I think I will do even better when I have my phone back in hand!]

So there you have it: I'm not 100% healthy, but I'm working on getting there - one step at a time. [This is a bit all over the place, my apologies.] 






So in short: I have been eating more food. I have been losing weight. I still have to wait and see what the ultrasound discovers. I'm putting this out there because you can laugh and get annoyed with my gadgets all your want, however I need them. I need something to keep me motivated and excited. Sure, losing my phone has made it a bit more noticeable because I am using my tablet for my tracking purposes, but I don't care. I need to do this for me.

A reflection: Sandy Hook Elementary

I know many people who felt saddened, angered, and overall distraught about the shootings that happened earlier this evening in Newton, CT. There, however, are people who can not understand why others who aren't even directly affected by the incident can have these feelings triggered inside of them. I can not speak for others, but I do know that even though I do not know anyone who was affected personally this was one of those things that did strike a chord on my heart strings.

So, why is that?

My nephew, Jaden. 9yrs old (almost 10!)

My niece, Mia. 6 yrs old (almost 7!)

My niece, Hailey. 3yrs old.

My sister, Samantha. 29 years old.

I live 10 hours from home. I love my job and what I do, but missing out on watching my nephew and nieces grow has it's toll. I've missed my nephew's Karate graduation ceremonies. I missed my niece Mia's kindergarten play. I was in the delivery room when my niece Hailey was born and she's sprouted up so quickly! My sister and I have a difficult relationship, but have become closer as we've gotten older. I love my family. Although we're apart, I think of them constantly and keep in touch as much as possible. The thought of hearing such news, of course makes me think of my own family. What if it was at my hometown elementary school? What if it was my family? My nephew and nieces are not the only one's in the school systems. My sister works for a home health company as an LPN and her current case is working in a school with a client.

The first I heard of this news brought me right back to the day that the Virginia Tech massacre happened. I had the same feelings that day. I was a college senior. I was heading to class. I had been a Resident Assistant. It could have happened on my campus. It could have happened to me. Sure, why bother worrying about the "could haves"? It's just something I do. I'm not sure why. I find myself being more in-tune with the possibilities of things then the realities. I believe that I've cherished my life and am grateful for all that I have. However, I am not immune to bad things. As a Resident Director/Residence Life professional there are many times when I make decisions that can affect a student's future. Sure, the student themselves were the one's who made the decision that put themselves into a conduct matter, but how many actually see it like that? Most students put the blame on the enforcers or the adjudicators rather than on their behavior. I piss off tons of people in my line of work - not on purpose. I'm just doing my job, but not everyone likes that. Every day I wonder if something bad is going to happen. I wonder if I'm going to make a decision and it be so detrimental to someone that they seek revenge. Who knows? 

It is morbid? Is it sick and twisted to worry if you're going to survive another day? Eh, perhaps. For me it's just a realistic reminder that we're all vulnerable. Natural disasters happen. Bad things happen. We may not have any control over it, but at least being aware you can live a little more fearlessly. Or is being in fear contradictory to that? Now, don't get me wrong. I do not sit and wonder about this 24/7. I do have a life, or somewhat of a life outside of my job...

So in short: Don't take things for granted. Cherish the time you have and the one's you have in your life. Say "I love you" more...when you actually mean it. Live each day as if you may not have another.

#ACUHOI vRoundtable: After thoughts

Today I participated in the ACUHO-I vRoundtable on using social media in housing. It turned to be part webinar, part twitter chat. I must admit I enjoyed it. I started using twitter back in 2009 and instantly became addicted. I enjoyed being able to meet other professionals from around the country and engaging in discussions that kept me current.

My first twitter account was one that I used for both professional and personal use. I however did not have my account tied to my professional life in any way, other than that I worked in Pennsylvania as a housing professional. That became a problem for me in my position that I held at the time. I decided to stop tweeting. I backed away form social media altogether. I lost contact with every connection I had made. I had a sour taste in my mouth and was alone.

I decided that I was not going to let that stop me from enjoying the discussions and interactions I was able to engage in with other professionals. I created a new account. I actually created two new accounts. One account was strictly for my professional life and the other was strictly personal. For me, it works. I believe it's because I am that black sheep. I have a lot of strong opinions on items that are controversial. I also have a childish/sick/dry sense of humor (seriously I laughed hysterically throughout most of Hostel Part II).

I don't believe any of us can truly be ourselves in our professional lives. As I tweeted during the discussion today:

"Using two accounts - professional vs. personal - isn't for everyone, but some can benefit from it. I don't believe we're at a place where we can be seen as people outside of our professions without having the integrity of our work questioned. I have a job and do it, in my mind, quite well. I also have a social life that I don't think needs to mix with my job. Personal opinion."

Who hasn't laughed at someone who slipped and fell on ice in the winter? It's something that seems pretty common, but is it professional? What is "professional"? Why do we strive to be something that no one can define clearly, because it could be different in every region/at every institution. Right? Sure there is always that underlining meaning of professional, but does mine match the one someone else has? I don't know. From my experiences, I think not. In one of my professional positions I was told that sending letters to students addressing them as "Mr" or "Miss" was not professional. (mind blown)

Before social media I don't think anyone gave a damn what you thought or what conversations you had with friends, but now that it's all out there in the public people are scrutinized more. Personally, I would much rather have my professional life and my personal life. Why? Being a Residence Life professional you really don't get a personal life anyway, so the little distinctions that I get I am going to take full advantage of.

It's funny too because my personal life is quite bland. I don't even drink! So what trouble could I possibly be getting into? None. However, I don't believe I'll ever be able to escape "guilty by association". (None of my close friends work in Higher Education or professional positions, thus none of them 'look' the part.) It's true. We're judged not only on what we look like, what we say, and what we do, but also by that of the company we keep. People can deny this, but I have yet to find a time when it wasn't true. You're covered in tattoos? Bad. You have any type of body modification? Bad. You went to a bar? Bad. You went to a party? Bad.

I don't believe that we can be ourselves and professional. Has everyone just ignored the fact that people are losing their jobs because they are being themselves? You don't agree with something? Smile, nod, and accept it. We're supposed to teach students to engage in discussion, to stand up for what they believe, and to do the right thing, yet we ourselves can't.

Maybe because I've been burned I'm too cynical, but for now I will live two lives.

November: Month of Thanks

Well, it looks like I failed. I only made it to day 16 before blogging once a day was too much for me. I may creep back into the topics and post sporadically with the items to be thankful for. I'm not sure, but hey...at least I tried. I'm just not meant for a daily blog. Here's hoping I can at least keep this going!