To be Thankful.

A lot of people I know have been doing their daily posts about what they are thankful for. I did  something similar last year based off of a bulletin board one of my RA's completed in our building. This year I decided that I didn't want to do a daily tally. Instead I wanted to just pick one thing to be thankful for, to be focused on, and to be looking forward to.

After moving to Buffalo in late July of this past year and signing up for all of my health care benefits; I was on the hunt for a doctor. I wanted someone close to home/work, had reasonable hours, and accepted my insurance plan. I called a doctor's office I thought fit those criteria to set up an intake appointment. This was back in August and the earliest I could be seen was today, November 26th at 8:15 a.m. I luckily had not been sick and was not anticipating getting seriously ill so I decided to hold out and wait for this doctor. Today I went in for my appointment and was a bit taken back. The bedside manner was not one I would pick for myself, but I'm not running scared yet. The doctor did bring up some things that I had not been asked about before or that had been done - namely a test, which I forget the medical term for - but it's for people with asthma. I haven't undergone anything since I was diagnosed with asthma in the 4th grade. However, I can't seem to meet any doctor's who don't automatically harp on my weight and that I'm in the BMI category as morbidly obese. She asked about my cholesterol levels and blood pressure to see if I have ever had any issues with it, because of course if you are morbidly obese you must have health issues! She was shocked when my blood pressure was normal/better than "healthy" people, which my blood pressure has never been an issue. Although, she insisted on having blood work done so that my cholesterol could be checked. I knew I had been tested recently because of my liver disease (yes I'm aware, I'm not in 100% health BUT my levels had normalized before I moved out of Maine), but I couldn't recall the results. I did find with all of this. I had a logical answer for every question the doctor asked. I knew about my health. I was conscious of my current state. I had answers for what I was doing to increase my health. My doctor only truly shocked me when they stated that I needed to be on a 1,200 calorie diet; which is the absolute lowest caloric intake someone should have in a day. My doctor then restated that I should be on a diet that is between 1,200 - 1,500 calories. I still was in shock. I have used apps, and websites, and programs to lose weight before. With each one I have tried or used I have never been given such a low caloric intake amount. I have decided that my doctor is nuts, but I did not run scared and I am not going to. I don't need a doctor who cares. I don't think I want one. I just need a doctor who knows enough to help me when I need medical attention. I can care for/about myself on my own, and I am okay with that.

Last December I purchased a year of Noom Pro and lost 25lbs. I have kept that 25lbs, within a pound or two off since then. I have not used Noom Pro consistently either. I was much better before, but I have not kept up with it lately. I wanted something that offered more freedom, because Noom is a smartphone app it's hard to get accurate information. I decided to change it up and I splurged on a FitBit. I had heard about them and seen them around but never wanted to spend so much money on an item I wasn't sure would work. I've been using it for a few days and am really pleased! These are my stats from today (as of 7:30pm).

After visiting my doctor I changed my plan from Medium (lose 1lb a week) to Extreme (lose 2lbs a week) and that still has me above 1,500 calories. I'm going to do this my own way. 

I am thankful for my health. I am thankful that I still have it, even if it's not up to par with where it should be. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to see a doctor. I am thankful that I have insurance that doesn't cost astronomical amounts in order for me to be treated. I am thankful that I have learned a lot in the past year. I am thankful that I have a network of other Student Affairs professionals who are working on their health too. I am thankful that I know people who are not judgmental. I am thankful that I have found the ability to be happy with who I am, even if others don't expect or think I should be. I am thankful that I have not lost myself. I am thankful that I, although sometimes hard to find, have the ability and time to focus on myself. I am thankful that I have found some sort of focus. I am thankful.

This means something to me.

An expectation of my current position is that my colleagues and I create multiple programs each semester based on diversity, sustainability, and community service. Last week I was the lead on an immersion program that focused on diversity; an adaptation of Archie Bunker's Neighborhood. It was actually a great success. We are also working on an event to bring awareness to Hunger and Homelessness by trying to plan a "One Night Without a Home" event at the end of National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week. I brought this idea forward. I was excited to get the chance to work on something like this again, as I had supported Resident Assistants at University of Pittsburgh-Greensburg when I was working there as a Graduate Resident Director. When I was at Pitt-Greensburg we didn't orchestrate a large event like "One Night Without a Home", but it's something that I've always been interested in trying to make happen.

This is something that I was working on. This is something that I wanted to happen. During some of the planning meetings with my colleagues were trying to decide how this program was going to work, what we were going to provide, what students could bring. I wanted to try to be as realistic as possible. I didn't want students to bring cell phones. I didn't want students to bring ipods/radios/etc. I didn't want to really allow for too many amenities that take away from the experience. I got resistance. We're in Buffalo, NY in November.  I get it. We need to think about the safety of the students. I get it. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but I would like them to have an experience to think about. I don't like fluff. I don't like glossing over hard topics. This means something to me.

Sitting in the planning meetings it was hard to not speak up. It was difficult to just nod my head and wave the white flag. I wasn't ready to share. I didn't want to share. I didn't want to go into the details right then, right there. I get it now. I thought about how the last planning meeting went and what I was holding back from saying. I get it now. I understand why this means something to me.

I was homeless.

I was homeless.

I was homeless.

January 19, 1996 a flood devastated my town. Just two years prior my town was also struck by disaster; another flood, one in which I almost lost my life, but that's a whole other story. January 19, 1996, this date is stuck in my brain. Throughout the flood my family and I were in our house; second floor duplex. I watched our car that was parked out front get swept by our house. I watched our brick garage collapse. I watched other people's belongings go down stream. I watched my town become a raging river. These are things I remember vividly. We stayed in our home until the water subsided later into the evening. We were rescued by neighbors who drove a backhoe to our front porch and scooped us to safety. We had nowhere to go. We were homeless. We were renting our home from the church we belonged to. We had been renting the same house since 1987. I don't recall the details but one of the jobs my Mom had was as a cook for the only restaurant in town. The owner and my Mom's boss allowed us to move into a room on her second floor. A family from our church who owed a very large house allowed us to keep belongings that we didn't lose in their basement. For 9 months my mother, my sister, and myself lived in a single room. We shared one full size bed, one in which I would usually get kicked out of and slept on the floor because I moved and kicked in my sleep too much. For 9 months we lived in a single room. I was lucky that I was in school because I could count on getting a meal. I was lucky that sometimes my school bus would arrive at school early enough so that I could eat breakfast, these days I loved. For 9 months most of my dinners were made of peanut butter and jelly on saltines. Our luck changed slightly. We were still homeless, but we seemed to be moving up in the world. The family that owned the backhoe had an unfinished basement that wasn't really being used, we were welcomed in their space so we had a little more room. We moved our belongings we had with us from the single room above the restaurant that my mother worked in to an unfinished basement in the home of family friends. We were still homeless. The family had a pull out couch in the basement. My mother and sister slept on the couch, I slept on the couch cushions on the concrete floor. We were homeless, but we at least felt like we had a place to call home for now. For another 9 months we were homeless. My mother worked 3-4 jobs during this time to try and support us to find a new place to live. We were homeless for a total of 18 months. Things didn't automatically get better. With all that my mother was able to save we purchased an old 1960's trailer. During the time that we owned the trailer the back half of the electrical system went and to get power into the master bedroom, which my sister and I shared, we had to run industrial extension cord. This is how we got power to the bathroom too. During the time we owned that home anytime it rained we would have a waterfall in the middle of our living room. This home wasn't perfect. It's not what most people would call a home, but it was ours and we made it the best we could.

This program isn't to be a mockery. This program is to bring awareness. We hoped to educate students. I hoped to get them thinking about what some people go through. I want to challenge them. I want to see how this makes them feel. I want to see their thought process. I want it to me something to them because this means something to me.

I'm asking too much.

National Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week is November 16-24

I thought I was alone.

I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one with a never ending ticket on the struggle bus. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was inadequate. I thought I was crazy. I thought I was wrong. I thought I was failing. Most importantly, I thought I was alone...

As most know, there was a recent article published in Huffington Post by Ken Schneck, PhD entitled Student Affairs Administrators Get Suicidal Too (and yes, if you haven't read it, please do), there has been a large outcry through social media outlets on how people can help, what people should be doing, what changes can be made. I'm glad. I'm glad that this is a topic. However, I'm also weary that anything will change. I'm weary that this is just the hot ticket item of the moment. I read a lot of various blog posts, tweets,  and Facebook statuses in regards to mental illnesses amongst professionals in Student Affairs. There were a lot of good thoughts shared. I think I resonated with a post by Kristen Abell on her blog Kristendom entitled Mental Illness and Student Affairs the most. It's because just recently I had spoken up about my own battle with depression and mental illness, but she had been doing it for quite some time. On September 17, 2013 I wrote a blog in response to a video that was shared within my network. That post only received 26 views. I have hope that with recent events and the thought provoking discussions happening that I will see change. That I will see people speaking out, helping, assisting, asking questions and seeking answers.

I shared the article from HP on my Facebook wall and I asked for my friends to share their thoughts. A few people did. I had some thoughts at that time and shared them. They are as follows:

I still think there's a larger underlying issue: coming forward with a mental health disease is still seen as a weakness. How can you be seen as competent when dealing with emergency situations and crises if your supervisor knew you were depressed? What about the institution you worked for? Are you a liability now? Until we stop treating mental illnesses as a problem and accept them as a real disease people will suffer in silence. I've had kind supervisors in the past who encouraged and accepted the occasional "mental health day" as a reason to be absent from work, but how many institutions actually value that? If you work 40 hrs a week in an office, participate and attend evening programs, and work on the weekends - what time is left to take care of yourself? Maybe it's the field that's setting people up for failures. What policies are set in place to actually support employees? Not just in a gloss over sense, but policies that truly help them be great employees and people. I say things that people don't want to hear. I bring up questions that people can't answer, or don't necessarily want the answer to, but these are things that we don't look at. These are things that need to be looked at. These are things that need to be changed.

I still stand by that. I do think that there are places who can value work that an employee does and undervalue the employee. I have seen it. I have been there. It's not easy. It's hard to want to be a part of something so great when there are pieces of it that break you down. I have thought of leaving the field. I've actually have had those thoughts more frequently in recent years, which is difficult for me to admit. I love what I do. I really do. I love working with students. I love challenging them and seeing their growth throughout the year. I enjoy helping when I can. I get frustrated when I can't. I don't think that's a bad thing.
What I do want to see is more consistency. I want to see more willingness to work together. I want to see people working towards a change, not just at your institution or in your position. We have professional organizations; how can they help, what can they do?

I don't want this to be forgotten. I don't want to feel like I'm alone. I don't want to feel forgotten. I don't want to be the black sheep. (I know some people will say, "But you put yourself there. You pride yourself on being the black sheep". No. No I don't. I pride myself on being the person who stands up for things that she is passionate about, things that she wants to see change, things that she is desperately asking for someone to listen and help with. I'm just never any good at asking for help.)




My post may get lost amongst the shuffle too, but I hope it reaches some. I know that there are definitely more posts out there on this topic, but I'm going to share some of the ones I have read. Please feel free to read, share, pass them along to people you think might benefit from reading them. [Thank you to the authors for writing and sharing your thoughts.]

Renee Piquette Dowdy: What Breaks You

Ann Marie Klotz: Why Are We Not Talking About Wellness?

Becca Obergefell: Healing and Helping - Taking Care of Ourselves Too

Joe Sabado: Work/Life Balance Discussion - A Privilege?
Mike Bowers: Helping Yourself to Help Others: Mental Well Being Tips for Student Affairs Practitioners

How big is your influence? [Non-SA post]

Well I qualified again! Sometimes it's the little things that make the biggest of differences. I had a friend join Influenster a while back and I kept seeing all the fun she was having with her Vox Boxes. She was kind enough to invite me to join and I've been very pleased. [If you would like more information on Influenster, please visit their website (linked above).]

Long story short, this is the second Vox Box I have qualified for. I received the Mary Kay box earlier this year, but I didn't blog about it. I just posted on all of my other Social Media outlets. I decided to blog about this one because I think the items included in this box work well in my professional life.

A break down of the items:
(If you want to follow other's views on these items feel free to search the companies on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, etc.)

Product	Brand Facebook	Handle / Hashtag
belVita crunch Breakfast Biscuits	belVita	@belVita / #BreakfastBiscuits
Dr. Scholl's For Her Cozy Cushions	Dr. Scholl's For Her	#DrScholls
Kiss Gradation Polishes	Kiss Nails	@KissProducts / #KissNailArt
Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara	Rimmel London US	@RimmelLondonUS / #retromania
Vitabath Hydrating Lotion	Vitabath	@Vitabath / #FallingforVitabath
Lindt LINDOR Milk Chocolate Truffles	Lindt Chocolate	@Lindt_Chocolate / TBA

Here are my reviews:

• belVita crunch Breakfast Biscuits - I received the blueberry biscuits. I had been skeptical on them before and of course didn't want to buy them in the event that I wouldn't like them. I was happy to test them out though. They were good. They're crunchy, so it felt like I was eating a cookie. The blueberries are a bit chewy though and can get caught in your teeth. Overall I'd recommend them and am actually interested in seeing what other flavors they have.

Maybe Wheaties is no longer the breakfast of champions?

• Dr. School's For Her Cozy Cushions - Perfect! These cozy cushions add warm and comfort to tough shoes. Have a favorite pair of winter boots that you just can't get rid of yet? Pick up a pair of these and they'll feel like new! I tried them in a pair of flats that used to be lined, but after wearing them the lining is no longer fluffy. I would recommend that these are better for boots, but what better way to add year round functionality to some of your favorite spring shoes?

• Kiss Gradation Polishes - I was skeptical of this at first. I had to wait a little for my nails to grow out, because I didn't think I'd be able to do it with short nails. It was easier than I had thought it would be. I've read reviews and there were a lot of complaints about the dry time. I don't know, but I had no issues with my nails drying quickly. I put on the base coat, let it dry, added the second coat (which I could've done better with the amount of nail I covered here), and then added the third coat. I thought my nails didn't come out too bad. I don't know if it's something that I would want to do often, but once in awhile it's nice to have something different.

• Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara - I'm not one for make-up. I actually tried mascara for the first time this past spring. I didn't particularly like it. My eye lashes would stick together when I blinked. It was annoying. This made me very hesitant about trying this product. However, I am glad that I had the opportunity to do so. I found that this mascara was not sticky and/or dried quickly. I also didn't have to apply many coats for it to show. I actually had fun trying out different ways to wear this - thick, not so thick, by itself, with full eye make-up. It's a great product and I am actually looking forward to seeing what else I can do with it. 

"Are you wearing fake lashes?"

• Lindt LINDOR Milk Chocolate Truffles - I'm born and raised Pennsylvania girl. Chocolate to me is Hershey's and nothing but! However, I did enjoy this treat. I don't think I would buy a bunch of the milk chocolate ones, but I could see myself going after the other varieties, such as caramel.

Cheesy grins for everyone!

• Vitabath Hydrating Lotion - I wasn't one of the luck Influencers to receive this product. 

I hope I continue to have the privilege of testing products. If you have any questions about Influenster or the products above, please don't hesitate to ask! I don't mind talking about my experience. :)

I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.

Careers in Student Affairs Month

[Originally written for 11/1/13] 

Last night/this morning on Facebook Ann Marie Klotz posted a question on her timeline.As I was typing my response I decided to delete all I had written and responded with: "I think I'll blog my answer". So here it is.

So what was the question? 

My answer doesn't just name a person, like most others who had commented. My answer is a much longer story than a name. See, I'm a first generation college student. All I knew about college was what I had seen through the eyes of Hollywood and heard from people at school. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. When I applied for college I had applied to two, just two: Cedar Crest College in Allentown, Pennsylvania and Franklin Pierce University in Rindge, NH. Why two? Well as most people know each college requires an application fee. I was not just a first generation college student, but I was also a first generation college student from a one parent household living in the economical lower class. I couldn't afford to apply to all the colleges that I wanted to. I applied to CCC because if I had gone to their Open House the application fee was waived. I applied to FPU because at the time they had a free application. I was accepted to FPU and was informed by my Guidance Counselor that the financial aid package was pretty good; knowing nothing about that I enrolled and graduated with my BA in Social Work and Counseling.

What does this have to do with my start in Student Affairs? Everything.

I picked up my life and moved from Pennsylvania to New Hampshire to attend college. I knew no one where I was going. The only thing I had in mind was to get my degree, graduate, and get a job. During move-in was my first encounter with Student Affairs. My mother and her significant other drove me to college in our truck, the back filled with boxes because my mother made me take way too much stuff. (Yes we were THAT family.) We followed Campus Safety's directions and parked in a space outside my building, before I was able to get out of the truck we were surrounded by what seemed like hundreds of people in blue shirts. Someone greeted me and asked where I lived. I showed them the folder I had received at the entrance of campus. They brought me to the check-in table outside of my residence hall and I was given my room key. I was then brought to my room, looking behind me trying to figure out where my mother had gone and wondering how I'm going to move my items up so many stairs. I met my roommate who had moved in early due to field hockey pre-season. I said hello and walked inside the room to see person after person bringing in all of my items and placing them in my room or outside in the hall. I moved in NOTHING! I just had it all to unpack though. The day went on with some convocation items, a mandatory floor meeting in which I first met my Resident Assistant, and a welcome carnival. My mother left during convocation. I was alone to set up my side of the room. I was in my room alone with the door opened when two girls came by asking why I wasn't at the welcome carnival. I really didn't feel like going (yep, I was THAT resident), but they convinced me to check it out so I did. I'm not going to lie and say that this was the moment that did it for me, it wasn't. It took me a while to figure it out.

Later in the semester I saw posters around the hall looking for applicants to be Resident Assistants for mid-year hires. I told myself it was too early to apply as I hadn't finished a semester there myself, but that I would for the following year. At that time I had really connected with two of the RAs in my building and the Experience Director (Hall Director/Residence Director/etc). I found myself in the RA office while they were on duty most of the nights. I then became THAT resident. I never really connected with my own RA though. She was a senior and I didn't see her around much. When she was, she was interacting with the popular girls on the floor. I tried to bridge the community and made some great friends on the entire floor. Although I was nice to them all, there were some who I was not fond of. My roommate became friends with those girls, and one night in November my roommate and a group of the girls who I didn't particularly care for were in my room  gossiping and speaking poorly of many of the other girls on the floor. I felt entirely uncomfortable even siting at my desk witnessing this. Luckily some of the girls I had met in the building invited me to go bowling (side note: bowling in New England is not traditional ten pin bowling - it's Candle Pin bowling and I'm sure the locals got a kick out of seeing two girls from Pennsylvania and one from New Jersey trying to figure it out!) While I was out, unbeknownst to me, the girls in my room went through my things, put on my undergarments and took pictures of themselves. I found out a few days later when one of my friends on the floor had found the photos in her room (her roommate was involved). I went to my Experience Director's office and asked for a room change. At that point in time anyone who had an opening was not willing to welcome someone new into their space as they had a double as a single. I didn't want to be in a worse situation so I didn't pry too much when girls told me no. I was lucky to find an opening in a triple on a different floor in the building with an international student from Japan and a transfer student. I was happy to move and lucky to have some friends help me make the move too.

I found out later that my RA knew about it and didn't do anything because they were her friends. My new RA was a senior who had just gotten engaged so I never saw her either. I kept my relationships and connections with the other RAs in the building, and decided that I not only wanted to be a RA but I needed to be one. I needed to be a RA because residents needed someone who they could count on to help them, assist them, and be there for them. For the rest of my freshman year I became involved with Res Life, applied for a RA job in the spring and was offered a position for the next year. I was a RA for one year and a Head RA for a second year. During those years I participated in RLAGS, a NH based Residence Life conference, and did what I could to go above and beyond. I knew at that time that I wanted to make a career in Residence Life. When I was asked why I became a RA, I didn't shy away from the truth: I became a RA because my experiences with RAs were horrible. I became a RA because I didn't want other students going through the difficult transition that I had gone through. As with most things in my life, I do them because I have seen the bad and want to make things better for others so they don't have to go through it.

Who encouraged me to enter the field? I did. Me. Myself. I.

However, there are some really great professionals I have met who have kept me in the field. A huge thank you to those who've been there when I needed some guidance, assistance, or just someone to hash out an idea with. Here are some of them, just to name a few, (i.e. the big ticket winners, who at times I'm not sure I would know what to do without them): 

• Laurie A Berry
• Shigeo James Iwamiya
• Julie Payne Kirchmeier
• Beth Moriarty
• Ann Marie Klotz