I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one with a never ending ticket on the struggle bus. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was inadequate. I thought I was crazy. I thought I was wrong. I thought I was failing. Most importantly, I thought I was alone...
As most know, there was a recent article published in Huffington Post by Ken Schneck, PhD entitled Student Affairs Administrators Get Suicidal Too (and yes, if you haven't read it, please do), there has been a large outcry through social media outlets on how people can help, what people should be doing, what changes can be made. I'm glad. I'm glad that this is a topic. However, I'm also weary that anything will change. I'm weary that this is just the hot ticket item of the moment. I read a lot of various blog posts, tweets, and Facebook statuses in regards to mental illnesses amongst professionals in Student Affairs. There were a lot of good thoughts shared. I think I resonated with a post by Kristen Abell on her blog Kristendom entitled Mental Illness and Student Affairs the most. It's because just recently I had spoken up about my own battle with depression and mental illness, but she had been doing it for quite some time. On September 17, 2013 I wrote a blog in response to a video that was shared within my network. That post only received 26 views. I have hope that with recent events and the thought provoking discussions happening that I will see change. That I will see people speaking out, helping, assisting, asking questions and seeking answers.
I shared the article from HP on my Facebook wall and I asked for my friends to share their thoughts. A few people did. I had some thoughts at that time and shared them. They are as follows:
I still think there's a larger underlying issue: coming forward with a mental health disease is still seen as a weakness. How can you be seen as competent when dealing with emergency situations and crises if your supervisor knew you were depressed? What about the institution you worked for? Are you a liability now? Until we stop treating mental illnesses as a problem and accept them as a real disease people will suffer in silence. I've had kind supervisors in the past who encouraged and accepted the occasional "mental health day" as a reason to be absent from work, but how many institutions actually value that? If you work 40 hrs a week in an office, participate and attend evening programs, and work on the weekends - what time is left to take care of yourself? Maybe it's the field that's setting people up for failures. What policies are set in place to actually support employees? Not just in a gloss over sense, but policies that truly help them be great employees and people. I say things that people don't want to hear. I bring up questions that people can't answer, or don't necessarily want the answer to, but these are things that we don't look at. These are things that need to be looked at. These are things that need to be changed.I still stand by that. I do think that there are places who can value work that an employee does and undervalue the employee. I have seen it. I have been there. It's not easy. It's hard to want to be a part of something so great when there are pieces of it that break you down. I have thought of leaving the field. I've actually have had those thoughts more frequently in recent years, which is difficult for me to admit. I love what I do. I really do. I love working with students. I love challenging them and seeing their growth throughout the year. I enjoy helping when I can. I get frustrated when I can't. I don't think that's a bad thing.
What I do want to see is more consistency. I want to see more willingness to work together. I want to see people working towards a change, not just at your institution or in your position. We have professional organizations; how can they help, what can they do?
I don't want this to be forgotten. I don't want to feel like I'm alone. I don't want to feel forgotten. I don't want to be the black sheep. (I know some people will say, "But you put yourself there. You pride yourself on being the black sheep". No. No I don't. I pride myself on being the person who stands up for things that she is passionate about, things that she wants to see change, things that she is desperately asking for someone to listen and help with. I'm just never any good at asking for help.)
My post may get lost amongst the shuffle too, but I hope it reaches some. I know that there are definitely more posts out there on this topic, but I'm going to share some of the ones I have read. Please feel free to read, share, pass them along to people you think might benefit from reading them. [Thank you to the authors for writing and sharing your thoughts.]
Renee Piquette Dowdy: What Breaks You
Ann Marie Klotz: Why Are We Not Talking About Wellness?
Becca Obergefell: Healing and Helping - Taking Care of Ourselves Too
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