Awakening

This isn't about you. This isn't about me. It's about the students we so vocally say we advocate for. Working for 2.5 years at a community college really opened my eyes to the other side of Higher Education. The students I worked with were dealing with so many obstacles that makes you be grateful for what you have. How do we help students who are homeless when not living in the residence halls? Where do they go when the halls close and they can't stay? What about the students who can't go home because of a poor family environment? How do we help students who are unable to buy clothes for an interview? These are issues I helped them face. These are the issues that I was drawn to help fix when I was majoring in Social Work and Counseling as an undergrad. I miss this work. I miss being empathetic. I miss being someone who resolved issues. I miss feeling like my work mattered. Why do I feel like we've turned into corporate America? College and Universities are businesses, but without students where do we stand? Students are our jobs. Yet we somehow are so enthralled by people who are unlike us that we lose this focus.

And oddly enough, as I was typing this post I saw this pop up on my Facebook newsfeed - my sentiments exactly! [Quote courtesy of Shigeo James Iwamiya]

Post by Tim Lade.

So where did this begin? Well The Student Affairs Blog posted a tweet on Saturday that started a conversation among some professionals and myself.

CURIOUS: Are Saturdays off for dressing up your way or for getting comfy? #SAchat
— Student Affairs (@The_SA_Blog) March 29, 2014

I responded that any day not in the office was a dress down day. Others brought up the new buzz word "authenticity" and dressing how they do because of who they are. I also said that my idea of comfy is a hoodie and gym shorts, which is not the acceptable attire for most offices in Student Affairs. I don't agree with this. I don't see why we set a dress code or limits on professionals. I don't get why we will push our students to be themselves, but yet we are sterile and rigid when it comes to staff. If I want blue hair, a body covered in tattoos, and piercings - why can't I be seen as professional? If I come to work in a hoodie and gym shorts how does that affect my ability to do my job? Do you think students look at what we wear and judge us as professional or not? Do you honestly think that they even notice? Sure, if you make a drastic change in your usual attire they might, but other than that (as long as you're dressed) they could care less. So why does it matter? Yep, it's because we have to dress to impress our colleagues. We have to dress to impress our supervisors. We have to dress to impress our institution's leadership team. But why? Why is this something that has to happen? Why do we have to separate ourselves? What does our clothing have to do with our jobs? Do you need to wear a suit to be in power or is it to feel powerful? Why are we so concerned with separating ourselves from our students? Why must there be such a divide? But it's not about separating ourselves; it's about being professional you say? What makes it professional? Who defines that?

My worth is not based on the clothes I wear.

My worth is not based on my gender.

My worth is not based on my race.

My worth is not based on my sexuality.

My worth is not based on my education. 

My worth is not based on your perception or opinion of me.

(I hate the phrase "perception is reality." We need to stop using that scapegoat. Can we bring back "don't judge a book by it's cover" instead?)

I admit, this is a trigger for me. I have recognized it as such; although it took a little while for me to do so. See, I didn't grow up in suburban middle-class America. I didn't grow up in a stable household. I am the product of unwed twenty something's that were never together during my lifetime. I am the product of the Welfare Nation. I grew up with Salvation Army Christmases. My mother consistently worked more than one job at a time to provide us the little she was able to. When a natural disaster took our home we had nothing. We spent 18 months being homeless. We spent many nights eating peanut butter and jelly saltine cracker sandwiches. (One reason why it took me years to be able to eat peanut butter again.) We finally were able to get on our feet enough to find a new home. It was hardly a home though. I know struggle. I know hard times. I'm not better than anyone else, and I'm not trying to be. What I am trying to do is to get people thinking - thinking about your actions and your words. When you judge another for their appearance, what does that say about yourself?

What we continue to say is that if you don't look like us, you can't be one of us. Well guess what - you're bullying. You're sitting there in your tower of privilege and telling people what is and isn't acceptable. You're telling others that they aren't good enough and maybe that they'll never be good enough. I was bullied for most of my life. At home I was told that I never should've been born. At school I was told that I was fat, stupid, and poor. I was fat. I was poor. I didn't deserve to be treated badly because of it. I didn't get new school clothes, and if I did they were definitely not name brand items. I grew up at a time when there were no clothes for fat girls. I shopped mostly in the boys/men's departments. I was made fun of for it. I was taunted and laughed at. I was seen as an outcast among my peers. I didn't fit in with the other girls. I was bullied for the clothes I wore then. This is my trigger. I do not need to be told I am not good enough by colleagues who do not know my story. I should not be bullied or judged because my professional attire does not fit into your standards. Maybe when I am making a living wage I'll be able to afford the nice suits and business attire, but until then you should just be happy that I am wearing clothes at all. Can we also take a minute to realize that entry level professionals do not have the same luxuries as those in mid-level or senior level? Even being a live-in professional can be financially difficult. We all have our own stories. We all have our own hardships. Stop. Think. What you say and how you say it matters. Is there someone in your office who might not be dressing to your standards? Ask yourself, "why is that their problem?" and "why does this matter to you?" because this really is your issue, no theirs.

I don't agree with it. I don't believe we should be putting our efforts into each other's wardrobes and appearances. We are here to do a job. I can do my job. I can do my job even better if I didn't have to worry about who's going to judge me next. Clothes do not make the person. I don't think this is where our energy should lie. We don't have to look the same. We don't have to think the same, and I prefer that we didn't. Although, I usually am the one on the outside looking in because I'm not one who goes with the flow. I don't sit idly by and march with the lemmings. I never was one to do that. I have questions. I have ideas. I have beliefs that I will continue to follow. I'm not asking everyone to be like me, but what I will do is ask you why is it so difficult to accept others for being different than you? I hope we stop bullying. I hope that we stop telling people they're not good enough.

Yes, the beast is awake and I don't really think she needs to hibernate anymore.

Is this authentic enough for you?

Hold on to your seat - I'm just getting started.